On a snowy November day, my daughter Kit and I were dividing four boxes of tree ornaments, each claiming their share. Kit, now living independently, wanted to adorn her own Christmas tree. Unpacking the decorations triggered memories of loss and grief for the children who were no longer part of our holiday celebrations.
Over eight years, our family fluctuated with the arrival and departure of 23 foster children. Most stays were temporary, and during that time, our two children became permanent through adoption. I was amazed to discover that Kit remembered the stories behind each handmade ornament, even from creators she had never met. It was surprising to find out that her recollection of holiday moments differed from mine.
As I opened a box, a tree topper from our first Christmas as a married couple caught my eye. The angel’s cracked wings, held together by Krazy Glue, symbolized the fragile state of our marriage that eventually ended. Passing the angel to Kit, I hesitated, unsure if she would want it due to its delicate condition. However, her eyes sparkled with joy beneath her festive reindeer hat, indicating her eagerness to keep it.
Reflecting on her childhood desire to place the angel atop the tree, Kit reminisced about how she used to wish she was tall enough for the task. This realization led to a heartwarming moment as we shared laughter and acknowledged her growth. Eventually, the angel found its new home with Kit.
In another box, I unearthed a Santa sleigh and reindeer ornament crafted by an eight-year-old boy we had fostered. The ornament, made from foam blocks and pipe cleaners at a community Christmas party, evoked a mix of lingering sorrow and frustration. Despite the social worker’s unsuccessful attempt to make him a permanent ward after residing with us for five years, we were abruptly cut off from seeing or communicating with him. The Santa ornament held special memories for Kit, who appreciated its unique design and playfulness.
Our family’s approach to making the Christmas season inclusive for foster children was a joint effort. By scheduling our family Christmas dinner on alternate dates, we ensured that our foster children could spend the holiday with their families without feeling excluded from our festivities. Establishing a tradition of personalized tree ornaments for each child allowed them to create lasting memories, even after leaving our care.
Among the decorations, I found a reindeer ornament made of pompoms and quirky embellishments, a reminder of the past shared with our children. Dividing ornaments during my divorce years ago, I had overlooked the significance these decorations held for Kit. Her appreciation for Rudolph’s consistent presence on the tree, regardless of their location during Christmas, highlighted the enduring impact of these traditions.
As we prepare to decorate the tree this year, I anticipate a shift in perspective guided by my daughter’s joyful outlook. Her reinterpretation of our shared memories through the ornaments promises a renewed sense of celebration. I eagerly look forward to witnessing her unique tree display.